Kohaku | royal violinist (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
violined) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
afterliving2014-02-03 10:55 pm
violined) wrote in afterliving2014-02-03 10:55 pm
7th Concert - [ voice ] Reluctant Requiem
[ It's not really like Kohaku to make posts in short frequency, but at least it gives him something to do. Especially when one of the things to spend time with had effectively vanished from this realm of non-existence. ]
Yo... In case any of you care about that short asshole guy named Levi? Lance Officer or whatever the fuck his title was... He's gone.
Must have made his peace like the dumbass he was.
[ And Kohaku can't help being bitter about it. The second walking pool of negativity in the afterlife had disappeared. Even someone like Levi could apparently find salvation. What a traitor. ]
I don't even know why I bother updating anybody on this, but now you know. Bye.
[ It's a bit like a comrade - that was the closest term to 'friend' he would dare to use - had died. Died by giving up.
But of course that is bullshit. They were already dead. There was nothing that really mattered. They were just here because they refused to give up. Refused to stop suffering, too, maybe. Kohaku won't admit a thing about that though. All that is certain was that now he'll have to find a new sparring partner. ]
Yo... In case any of you care about that short asshole guy named Levi? Lance Officer or whatever the fuck his title was... He's gone.
Must have made his peace like the dumbass he was.
[ And Kohaku can't help being bitter about it. The second walking pool of negativity in the afterlife had disappeared. Even someone like Levi could apparently find salvation. What a traitor. ]
I don't even know why I bother updating anybody on this, but now you know. Bye.
[ It's a bit like a comrade - that was the closest term to 'friend' he would dare to use - had died. Died by giving up.
But of course that is bullshit. They were already dead. There was nothing that really mattered. They were just here because they refused to give up. Refused to stop suffering, too, maybe. Kohaku won't admit a thing about that though. All that is certain was that now he'll have to find a new sparring partner. ]
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It's probably not. But I'd rather sit it out than run away from it. Who knows, maybe we'll get to that programmer.
Or we'll just continue rotting away here. But in either way, I prefer existing.
[ It was exactly that. Who even knew where they ended up afterwards? The thought of dying hadn't bothered him much in life, but now that he was dead he clung to is small rest of existence pathetically. There were things he still needed to see. For sure. They couldn't just disappear yet. ]
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[ He was freaked out enough about the idea of dying last time around, after all, and even though this place definitely isn't perfect (it's school, how could it even be perfect, let's keep it real here) it's still a little like life. ]
If that retard would explain something to us for once, then maybe we'd get what's happening around here!
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Last time we heard any of him he said it makes you run insane to stay here for a long time and honestly, as far as his case goes, he's proven his thesis.
[ Maybe there is something to that thought after all. Staying here for too long probably pulls a number on people. There isn't really any way to move forward and nothing is more likely to drive someone insane than running in circles. ]
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Would it be that fucking hard to just leave someone at the gate to the afterlife to explain this shit to us?
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We've seen... or well, read... that he has shitty NPC dolls who can talk to us more freely than the scum we live with every day. And yet....
Nothing. This place doesn't like hospitality much.
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.. Do you sometimes think this might be hell? [ As opposed to any kind of heaven, he means. ]
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For a moment there is nothing but a bit of static to be heard, as he thinks about this. Hell, huh....? ]
Not in the religious preachy kind of way. Heck, my homeworld was more of a traditional hell than this. Though if there was a real one, I'd probably deserve to go there... so I wouldn't be that surprised.
If this is hell, then the God who thought it up is a cold-hearted fucker. We don't even get the torture, he just lets us think up our own mental purgatory. I wouldn't wanna be the fool praying to such a guy.
[ The entire concept of this place is fucked up to him. They have something to cling to but essentially they cling to nothing because they are going nowhere. It's as if they were fish in an aquarium, only there for someone to observe.
As an afterthought, he decides to ask in return. ]
Do you think it is?
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I..
[ --think it is, maybe. Because he deserved to go to hell, no, he didn't, he didn't, he didn't do anything to earn himself a spot in hell since he was just defending himself, he was just trying to stop Maizono from killing him or making it seem like he was trying to kill her, he was just.. he didn't want to die, he wanted to live, he wanted to get out out out and it wasn't his fault, she was dead before he knew it, there's no way this is hell.
But he remembers the look on the girl's face right before he stabbed her.
And deep down, he can't feel like maybe it is hell. Because it's where he would have ended up for that.
Leon swallows thickly, closing his eyes. He doesn't even want to think of it.
But even so, it keeps haunting his mind in this place. ]
.. dunno.
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Kohaku has killed many times. At first he gave a thought about what kind of person it was whose life he just cut short, but eventually even that basic bit of caring numbed down. In a world of decay and ruin, people died left and right. It never mattered if it was by his hand or by another. Only few of his killings stand out to him even now and he still doesn't like to think he really regrets any of them.
Had he really believed in God, then hell would have been expected. Before dying, Kohaku would have shrugged it off, with a vague mention of his life having already been enough hell to prepare him. Now that he's here, wherever that is, he suddenly finds himself oddly melancholy about the idea - or rather, about the uncertainty that surrounds it. ]
Well, even if it was... it doesn't matter, does it? We're not suddenly gonna sit down and repent.
[ Or should they? Would that be the way to break this cycle? The idea tastes disgusting before he even starts to word it, so he ignores it entirely. ]
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He'll probably never be able to fully suppress that little voice in his head, no matter how much he wants to. He'll never be able to stop his stomach from churning every single time it comes up. ]
.. Not like we have any reason too. It'd be retarded.
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[ He doesn't sound very bothered by admitting to his 'sins' though. Contrary to Leon he never got to experience a stable environment in which killing was a very far-fetched option. ]
But I don't plan on regretting any of it anytime soon.
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[ Granted, if Leon is shoved into a corner and gets desperate, he'll probably be talking about it differently.. ]
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We'll show him we're not that easy to get down.
[ It's kind of surreal how openly and without conflict this conversation between went to this point. ]