afterliving | voice;

[ She doesn't seem like she's going to scold him for being so sloppy. She got cornered herself and that wasn't even the first time. The truth is, she's sorry that she managed to get overcome like that. Yuri knows she had a job as leader, something she had to do and to help everyone. Maybe it wasn't actually her fault, but she was so used to blaming herself for being unable to save everyone that it came naturally to her to assume she could have done better. ]

Neither of us should have to do either.

[ That was the truth. They shouldn't have to suffer, but that was something they couldn't avoid here. But something like what the programmer was doing.. ]

How about from now on, neither of us do anything stupid alone. Whatever got us into that mess isn't going to happen again. And once we both feel decent enough we're going to bury the Programmer six feet under.

[ She doesn't mean that as figurative language, either. ]

[ She really sounds like Yuri, the real Yuri now, and it's an immense relief. It wouldn't change that for the next time, Kohaku would always be anxious it'd all might just reverse - she'd go back to being forgetful and homely, he'd go back to being a shallow person without musical talent... Having lost his self in so many different ways, their identities now seemed fragile.
He'd been through it both, not feeling and not knowing anything, and both felt like they left him such a shell. Painful memories were important nevertheless, he know knew better than ever before. ]

He's just giving us more and more motivation by the moment - helping to dig his own grave already.

[ The fact that 'once we both feel decent enough' is something that even needs to be considered speaks loudly about their current state and he knows. There are a lot of things burning inside that he feels about the past weeks, but the thought of saying them out loud and letting them out is still terrifying. As if it could make their experiences even more real than they were already. ]

At least whenever we were gathered to the houses, we got everyone together in a smaller space, easier overview.

That's true.

[ At least it would give them the time they needed to regroup. Yuri hated that she felt so weak right now, that she felt out of practice and underpracticed. She knew that working in a team was the only way to get things done, but she still felt as though she needed to be able to take care of herself if she wanted to protect those people.

She couldn't take care of herself, and Kohaku went shortly after her. That was the biggest folly. She wasn't in a good mental state to go after anyone right now. Not without getting caught again. Especially not without very good aim. ]

As strange as it is to say in a place where we should have all the time in the universe and no time at all, we'll need it to figure out a counter-attack.

Yeah...

[ Back to their strategies as if nothing happened. Yet it's the first time since returning to his normal self that Kohaku is even thinking about further plans of action. Without Yuri everything had been kind of headless and he just couldn't find it in him to be interested in any other people's plans just yet. Even now it was still kind of hard to focus on these things. ]

The only one who's been doing anything except for hiding and recovering here is Haruhi I guess, even though I don't know what even. The memories of... [ that thing in my body ] that time are so fucking useless.

[ Because NPC!Kohaku had really just cared for going to school and other stupid things - none of the observations Kohaku still can find in his head are useful and he detests going through them in general. ]

I'll need to talk to her, but I think the first step is finding out everyone's positions and talking to the new people. We need to recruit anyone who has skills we can use..

[ She knew she was just rambling on about things that were obvious. The fact was, talking about "that time" as Kohaku had put it was frightening. She didn't really want to talk about it.

That was the reason she had to though, wasn't it? After a couple moments of silence, Yuri busts out with something unexpected. ]

If the Programmer can't understand that ripping us out of our own minds with a spoon and replacing them with.. with false memories meant to make us feel safe and secure, as though there's nothing wrong, then no matter what anyone says I won't believe he's ever felt real love. You know that's the reason he supposedly created the shadows? Because the woman he loved disappeared before he did and he couldn't stand it. I'm starting to think that's bullshit. There's no way anyone who loved would be able to understand wanting to rip that out no matter how much it hurts. If he cared about anything at all he couldn't destroy his memories and he couldn't take them away from us.

[ There is a long moment of silence after she drops that bomb of thought. Kohaku knows what she's getting at, but it's hard for him to think about - he has never asked himself the question before, but now that he thinks about it he isn't sure if he himself has ever loved before. For Yuri it must be simpler. He remembers distinctly how her younger self looked, shaken about the death of her sibling, and that must have been the sort of familial love he never quite experienced.
There are people he cares about, Kohaku is ready to admit it to himself now, but 'love' is a word he'd be hesitant to use at all points. Maybe he can imagine what it's like, but then again he really can't. ]

Hmph. Even someone like me wouldn't let go of remembering... people, events, anything. Even people I thought I hated...

[ and people he knows he does not hate at all. Kohaku pauses here, running his hand through his hair and covering his eye in the process - a habit that has long become useless and is still hard to break. ]

What he's trying to do is making machines happy. What's the point in feeling safe if you're not longer you? If there's a way to make us deader then we are, he sure found it. This realm isn't for us to find whatever the hell we need... It's for him to feel like anything better than the piss poor lonely guy he is. Whoever he 'loved' would be probably disgusted and I hope he fucking knows that whenever he wakes up.

[ Yuri is going to refrain from pointing out that caring about someone enough that when they leave you end up panicking and ending up in the same position it means you care about them at least as a friend. It's a type of love, and the one she knows set off the shadows the first time because she was the one who did it.

She will subvert saying it, however, by crossing her arms and looking off to the side as she takes a few steps further into his room. ]

I meant you people. You, Hinata, Accelerator, Leon, Haruhi, Sena-- basically the entire SSS. [ She couldn't list everyone in it or they'd be here a while. ]

Even if we don't always get along, we're still some kind of screwed up family of friends. If anyone has a chance at being truly happy, you can't take that away. If anything he was doing was real, we could all leave this place so easily. Every bit of those memories make us who we are, painful or good, and we need all of them. So.. you're right. Deader than dead is right, but it's not the only way to do it. The other ways are just a lot more hands-on and riskier.

[ The kind of loyalty he feels for Yuri and the SSS is probably the prime example of how Kohaku would love - but he doesn't really know that. Growing up in a screwed up world full of screwed up relationships feelings are always hard to classify for him so he rather does not.

It comes as a surprise for Yuri to state that so openly when usually they'd both dance around the subject forever - but that was probably what came with becoming an NPC. One day they might not return and then there'd be no chance to say anything like this. ]

Surprisingly cheesy for you to say...

[ He grins a little, teasingly, just because he can't handle the raw force of admitting that yeah, what they have here is actually a really good thing and he wouldn't want it to be another way. ]

But yeah, I.... I get that. Joining the SSS is like the first thing I ever did because I myself decided it... didn't think it'd be such a good decision, to be honest.

[ He clears his throat. ]

So if we go to hell or whatever, then together's the way to do it. We haven't been screaming at each other over months to just give up what we got at nearest chance.

Shut up.

[ At the cheesy comment, Yuri blushed a little. It would've been less embarrassing if he hadn't pointed it out to be honest, but for now she'll just have to look a little embarrassed and pissy. ]

Either way, it looks like you've got your priorities straight. And you can always come to me if you need anything, unless it's something you already know I'd hit you for. No matter what kind of situation we end up in, we'll finish it together and neither of us are going to be taken like that ever again.

[ He wouldn't have been able to stand the mood otherwise. Being hateful and angry and teasing with people is what he does, everything else is just way out of the comfort zone. But even so... He'd expected talking to Yuri to be even more nerve wrecking, but it turned out quite soothing. It wasn't that he could say the tension inside of him really faded, but he wasn't as pathetically afraid as before. ]

You know... you're doing this leader thing damn well.

[ And the friendship thing, too, but that's too much positivity - the world might implode. He's not even looking at her as he speaks either, but hey. ]

So you know you can rely on me, too. Next time... I'll be faster.

[ She'd called for him and he hadn't been there which is why they now share the same horrible memories. He'd thought he'd not let her down before, but that hadn't worked out so well. ]

[ Yuri gives him a little half-smile, a resigned gratitude evident in her eyes. ]

Thanks. I don't always feel like I'm doing well, but if even you can say it I guess I'll have to accept the compliment

[ Even Mr. Grumphaku.

Either way, Yuri's reaching her hand out for a fist bump. You are going to fist bump her, Kohaku. That's how this goes because it's better than concluding this verbally. ]

[ First bumps are an alright enough display of friendship. They said more than enough about this particular matter anyway, so this is a good way of settling that.

He gives her a little grin as his fist meets hers, not really full-hearted just yet but at least good enough. ]

[ Her smile brightens when he does that, back to Yuri's usual level of confidence.

Then she adds: ]

And don't insult my cooking again or I'll make you eat it every night for a week until you lose your memories again.

... being without memories of how to cook was probably preferable for that....

[ That warning is disregarded in a reflex already, oh well. Ahem. ]

I don't know where you learned but it's been ages ago, huh?

[ Unless Hinata or Accelerator turn out to be gourmet chefs, he's probably the one who needs to ensure they don't starve, huh... ]

I never learned, and the time before that even with my memories, Hinata and I nearly burned down the kitchen. It was mostly Hinata's fault.

[ Not really. ]

Aaaaand that rules him out as a potential cook.

[ He sighs. Why is everyone he meets so useless with practical skills. Even when he got away from dumb aristocrats and nobles, it is the same everywhere. ]

You better watch closely the next days then, might come in handy another time.

[ Read: he's actually going to take care of this dumb living arrangement unless Accel somehow does. ]

[ Yuri has other practical skills...

...Cooking is just not one of them. ]

If you're doing the cooking, Hinata and Accelerator can handle cleaning the house. I'll do laundry and trash.

Roger that.

[ He actually got the best job and he'll have normal food, this deal is turning out surprisingly well. ]

Wonder how long we'll stay here. I mean, the houses are actually better than the dorms, but it's still emergency housing...

[ Yuri wants him to have the best job because she doesn't want abnormal food either. ]

Well, if I can get you and someone else to stay here with me I don't mind staying in the houses even after we take everything back.

[ And they will take everything back. ]

I like having a couch.

[ Not an idea he'd even considered before, but certainly a good one. ]

Oh, I'd be up for that.

[ From a car to a dorm to a house - the standard of living/being dead might be rising. ]

Zero desire to go back to a small room and crazy roommate either.

Crazy roommate? Who's your roommate again?

Sougo. He's the worst.

[ How they managed this long is beyond anybody's comprehension. ]

Oh. He's pretty crazy, yeah, but he's not bad. I don't know about living with him though.

[ That might take some patience.. ]

I can't stand his fucking type.

[ He rolls his eyes. Not bad or not, everything about Sougo's behaviour is just too much to him. Damn sadistic prankster characters. He's had that with Berthie enough but at least he understood what Berthie went on about - Sougo's just a very annoying mystery. ]

I guess he's out for a potential housemate if Hinata and Accelerator want to move back to the dorms. We should probably talk to them about it.

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