[ At that, she clenches her hands into tight fists. Why does she have to be patient? Why does she have to wait? Days were going to go by while she continued to have nightmares every time she went to bed.
Even if she did tell him, what could she have done?
She had already tried so many times to bring him back. It was just like this. She had recreated a memory, something simple. Then she showed him the movie that they made together. She did so many things and they didn't work out.
The world doesn't revolve around her? That was something she knew, deep down. Yet she wished for it. And although she didn't know, she honestly was the center of attention in the world, being a pseudo-goddess. She wanted something more. What that "more" was, she didn't know. But then her mind went back to that dream that she had. Everything, everything was being destroyed.
And that conversation, that spoke about a new world...
But she had already chosen to keep the old one, didn't she? ]
I already know that this time isn't my fault.
[ She's ignoring the first part of what Yuri's telling her. Because she knows it's true. What does she truly want? She doesn't know anymore. She wants to do her life over, but that's no good. That's like saying all she's done up to now is left for nothing.
For nothing.
Was she wrong?
Was she always wrong about everything...?
No. She had figured something out before, hadn't she? She figured out who the NPC was. She figured out that a second part was involved in the NPC's creation. She figured out that the Programmer messed up. That was all her.
But where did she go wrong?
Kyon had disappeared around the time the shadows showed up the second time. That much she knew. And when it happened, she had one person to turn to so she could talk about it. But then they disappeared, too. Everyone she cared about was going to disappear in the end.
So what could she do? What was she able to do? She couldn't do anything. Just because she was smart and knew things didn't mean that she could do something about this situation. She had planned on figuring something out to get her mind off of things, but then she messed up.
She messed up again.
It was all her fault that this happened, right?
But she keeps those words safe in her pocket, deciding not to say a word. ]
Even if I do be patient, what will happen then? Even if I wait, things might change again. If I see him again, how do I know it's the same person? How do I know they haven't come from some alternate universe or have different memories? Maybe I'm wrong about this, but it's also possible for them to fall in love with someone else, right? It's not like I knew if they had feelings for me in the first place.
[ She then continues, but her tone is so dead, so empty that it's a dull monotone. ]
If it's not my fault, then did they just show up because they were activated every single time? What for? The second time would make sense if it's connected to now, actually. It would make so much sense to me. After all, that's exactly when the NPC showed up, right? The dates clash exactly.
But what about the first time? I'm not asking you for answers; I don't expect you to know even though you've been here the longest out of all of us along with the fact that you just turned back.
locked.
Even if she did tell him, what could she have done?
She had already tried so many times to bring him back. It was just like this. She had recreated a memory, something simple. Then she showed him the movie that they made together. She did so many things and they didn't work out.
The world doesn't revolve around her? That was something she knew, deep down. Yet she wished for it. And although she didn't know, she honestly was the center of attention in the world, being a pseudo-goddess. She wanted something more. What that "more" was, she didn't know. But then her mind went back to that dream that she had. Everything, everything was being destroyed.
And that conversation, that spoke about a new world...
But she had already chosen to keep the old one, didn't she? ]
I already know that this time isn't my fault.
[ She's ignoring the first part of what Yuri's telling her. Because she knows it's true. What does she truly want? She doesn't know anymore. She wants to do her life over, but that's no good. That's like saying all she's done up to now is left for nothing.
For nothing.
Was she wrong?
Was she always wrong about everything...?
No. She had figured something out before, hadn't she? She figured out who the NPC was. She figured out that a second part was involved in the NPC's creation. She figured out that the Programmer messed up. That was all her.
But where did she go wrong?
Kyon had disappeared around the time the shadows showed up the second time. That much she knew. And when it happened, she had one person to turn to so she could talk about it. But then they disappeared, too. Everyone she cared about was going to disappear in the end.
So what could she do? What was she able to do? She couldn't do anything. Just because she was smart and knew things didn't mean that she could do something about this situation. She had planned on figuring something out to get her mind off of things, but then she messed up.
She messed up again.
It was all her fault that this happened, right?
But she keeps those words safe in her pocket, deciding not to say a word. ]
Even if I do be patient, what will happen then? Even if I wait, things might change again. If I see him again, how do I know it's the same person? How do I know they haven't come from some alternate universe or have different memories? Maybe I'm wrong about this, but it's also possible for them to fall in love with someone else, right? It's not like I knew if they had feelings for me in the first place.
[ She then continues, but her tone is so dead, so empty that it's a dull monotone. ]
If it's not my fault, then did they just show up because they were activated every single time? What for? The second time would make sense if it's connected to now, actually. It would make so much sense to me. After all, that's exactly when the NPC showed up, right? The dates clash exactly.
But what about the first time? I'm not asking you for answers; I don't expect you to know even though you've been here the longest out of all of us along with the fact that you just turned back.
Anyway, I think I just need some time alone.