Because I understand is the reason why I have to force myself to forget.
In the end, they weren't able to remember me at all anyway, so what's the point of me remembering them? Even if I'm supposed to deal with it all, take it all in so I can remain being me, remain being human- but I don't even know if I can do that anymore. I've already lost myself by being here and finding out the truth. It was supposed to end once I found that! I was excited; there were really aliens, time travelers, and espers, you know! That was my goal in life. To find something different, to find something that wasn't ordinary. Day in and day out, I kept on repeating the same thing over and over again, but then I decided to change it all. Of course, I couldn't do it without help, but then I found out I died? I was mad! Of course I would be! After all, I didn't fulfill my goal, right? I failed as a leader. I failed everyone, I thought. But then I found out I wasn't the only one here. I wasn't alone. But I was still as insignificant as I was before. I'm only one person out of so many, over a billion people who lived on Earth. I wanted to become someone who everyone could see me. I was selfish; I wanted to be noticed by someone.
Then I found out on the first day that I came here that everything was wiped away. That's why I don't mind losing my memories. I don't mind changing my personality. It's the same as it was in reality, either way. I don't care about myself anymore, I don't care. In the end, I still failed.
I even asked if I could make a replacement. That was my plan all along, if I were to turn in Ai-chan. I was conflicted. Did I really want to delude myself into an illusion? It was possible, sure, but how long would it last? I didn't know. I wouldn't know. And I had to push all of that aside because I had to be "me". I had to play the role of the person that everyone saw Haruhi Suzumiya as. That's what was expected of me, right? As someone who was strong, made stupid decisions, kicked ass, and was completely and utterly weird, but sorry, only half of that is true at this point. That may have been who I was before, when I was alive, but a year in the afterlife changes a person.
Anyway... I should have been the one to disappear. It should have been me all along. Because, after all, it's only obvious that neither of our feelings were strong enough, right?! That's why I messed up repeatedly...!
Haha... Even though I said I didn't want to say anything, I went and said it anyay. Ah, I don't really care what you think about me, okay? I don't plan on doing anything at all at this point.
locked.
In the end, they weren't able to remember me at all anyway, so what's the point of me remembering them? Even if I'm supposed to deal with it all, take it all in so I can remain being me, remain being human- but I don't even know if I can do that anymore. I've already lost myself by being here and finding out the truth. It was supposed to end once I found that! I was excited; there were really aliens, time travelers, and espers, you know! That was my goal in life. To find something different, to find something that wasn't ordinary. Day in and day out, I kept on repeating the same thing over and over again, but then I decided to change it all. Of course, I couldn't do it without help, but then I found out I died? I was mad! Of course I would be! After all, I didn't fulfill my goal, right? I failed as a leader. I failed everyone, I thought. But then I found out I wasn't the only one here. I wasn't alone. But I was still as insignificant as I was before. I'm only one person out of so many, over a billion people who lived on Earth. I wanted to become someone who everyone could see me. I was selfish; I wanted to be noticed by someone.
Then I found out on the first day that I came here that everything was wiped away. That's why I don't mind losing my memories. I don't mind changing my personality. It's the same as it was in reality, either way. I don't care about myself anymore, I don't care. In the end, I still failed.
I even asked if I could make a replacement. That was my plan all along, if I were to turn in Ai-chan. I was conflicted. Did I really want to delude myself into an illusion? It was possible, sure, but how long would it last? I didn't know. I wouldn't know. And I had to push all of that aside because I had to be "me". I had to play the role of the person that everyone saw Haruhi Suzumiya as. That's what was expected of me, right? As someone who was strong, made stupid decisions, kicked ass, and was completely and utterly weird, but sorry, only half of that is true at this point. That may have been who I was before, when I was alive, but a year in the afterlife changes a person.
Anyway... I should have been the one to disappear. It should have been me all along. Because, after all, it's only obvious that neither of our feelings were strong enough, right?! That's why I messed up repeatedly...!
Haha... Even though I said I didn't want to say anything, I went and said it anyay. Ah, I don't really care what you think about me, okay? I don't plan on doing anything at all at this point.