afterliving | 01 [ voice / action ]

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01 [ voice / action ]

[ voice post ]

Hello there, my name is Mami Tomoe. I'm a third year middle school student, and it looks like tomorrow will be my first day in class here.

I suppose I'll need to go and find some supplies for my first day at school? I never would have guessed I would need to looking for a notebook again after I died. Does anyone have any recommendations?

[ Mami's voice sounds a little cheery, though she's always been so very great at putting on a facade that hid her true feelings. ]

I hope I won't be too far behind the lessons, if I am I might have to ask someone to help tutor me so I can catch up.

Well, thank you for your time.

[ action ]

[ On her first day Mami will be trying her best to find her classes, but she might need some helping making sure to go to the right room. Or perhaps she just looks lonely, sitting by herself as she eats, unable to convince herself to try and find someone to share lunch with. It might be obvious that there's something bothering her, perhaps the normalness of all she is suddenly hit with, after preparing herself for her own death.

In general though, she seems approachable, as she always has wanted to be, and wouldn't say no to a friendly face. ]

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[ It's hard for Madoka to miss that tone in the other girl's voice. And it makes her feel pretty bad. Of course it's only understandable that someone would feel that way after dying, but even so.. she didn't want to see Mami sad. She never wanted to-- wasn't that why she promised to fight together with her? Someone as kind and great as Mami should never have to be alone.

So all she can offer is company. But maybe that can already be enough. ]

Hmm, it's really me! Where are you right now? I'll come right over to prove it..!

You don't have to do that, I'm fine..

[ Mami tries to lie, unsure of whether she could see Madoka just yet, alone, without breaking down again. She hates that part of her can't even stand the sight of her friend, but there is nothing she can do about it. ]

You have classes here too, right Kaname-san? Maybe we can get together for lunch?

[ It pains her to keep her distance from Madoka, someone she trust and cares very much for. But she doesn't know if she deserves Madoka's forgiveness.. ]

[ ...

She pauses for a moment. Madoka sure doesn't want to inconvenience Mami, but on the other hand, it's very obvious that she isn't fine. But asking her about that might just make her hurt more, so.. maybe it's okay to just wait for lunch, then..? ]

Um.. if it's what you want, then sure, Mami-san. [ She giggles, but it's a little awkwardly. ] I'd love to have lunch together with you.

[ It's really taking everything Mami has not to tell Madoka where she is, to ask to see her friend, so she can cry, and ask for forgiveness. Mami left Madoka and Homura, left them to deal with Walpurgisnacht on their own, because Mami couldn't deal with being at fault for their other friend's deaths. But still, she wishes for forgiveness despite knowing she doesn't deserve it. ]

I look forward to seeing you again, Kaname-san.. [ There's a bit of a crack in her voice, but Mami tries to ignore it. ]

Have you been taking care of yourself here? Have you made a lot of friends?

Hmm, o.. of course. [ She nods. Maybe it's better to just go along with the conversation and then somehow manage to steer it towards being able to see Mami since she's so shaken up.. maybe she can somehow get there subtly along the way. ] I've been doing my best, even here. And the people are really nice, so I don't think I really made friends, it's more like they made friends with me..

[ Madoka's self esteem still isn't really good, nope. Her dying at the moment she did really didn't do that any wonders. ]

But since they're so nice, I'm sure all of them would love to meet you too. You're really, really kind, after all.

[ Madoka has always been the sweetest girl Mami has ever met. Kyouko and Sayaka were both nice girls, when they wanted to be, but it was Madoka among them who really was the selfless one. ]

You're an easy person to make friends with, Kaname-san. I'm still...glad we are able to be friends.

[ No matter how much she knows she doesn't deserve to call her that, Mami can't stop herself. And things aren't made any easier when Mami hears that. Homura must have been right, Madoka doesn't remember Mami breaking down, and admitting her selfishness before she died. ]

I can't wait to meet them then. ..It's really strange, all of this. It almost feels like we get a second chance.

It's really great in that sense then, right? I mean.. of course I don't think it's right that any of us died because we shouldn't have [ she means other people moreso than herself though, but still ] but I'm still glad that everyone here didn't just disappear entirely or something like that.. I'd like to be able to see everyone smile just for a while longer.

[ A small giggle. ]

But.. Mami-san, you really shouldn't worry! I mean.. we really are friends, right? And there's no way I would ever want to stop being friends with you no matter what.

[ Especially not since Madoka feels it's practically her fault Mami died. If she would have contracted just a little bit earlier.. ]

[ Mami died because she decided she couldn't be alive, while Kyouko wasn't either, so Madoka's words hurt even more, despite her not meaning to. Though Mami doesn't blame the girl, she only blames herself, as usual. ]

I'm glad I will get to see you again as well, Kaname-san. [ Mami already left without saying goodbye to Madoka once, doing it again might even more difficult. ]

..Of course we're still friends. [ There's a tiny bit of hesitation there, don't mind Mami.. Enough that she ends up having to hold back from crying, sniffling once or twice. ] We'll always be friends.

[ It's the sniffling that does it. Maybe it's the fact that she gained a little more courage right before she died - even if her death did ruin a lot of that again - but she knows she can't just stand here while Mami is audibly hurting. ]

.... Mami-san. I'm sorry. I'm sure it's a really selfish thing to say, but even so.. I'd really, really like to see you right now. [ To help her. ] So would you let me..?

[ Mami tried not to cry, tried not to let Madoka even know anything is wrong, but it's hard. She remembers crying into the girl's arms before, before she decided that she was going to kill herself. She can only imagine how that must have hurt her friend, and how now, she shouldn't hurt Madoka ever again. ]

If you really want to.. [ She can't say no, not after a request like that. ] I don't have any tea or snacks though..

[ Because Mami wouldn't be Mami if she still didn't wish to make tea to have a friend over. ]

I'm in D-109, if you know where that is?

Edited ( ) 2014-01-27 20:27 (UTC)

Hmm, I know. And.. I don't need anything, don't worry. [ She does know it's common for her to be drinking tea and having cake like when they did when they visited Mami those times, but this isn't about that. This isn't even like that. This is Mami hurting - of course she would, after that death - and Madoka can't just leave her alone. ]

I'll be right over, so.. please wait for me, okay? I'll hurry, I promise..!

[ The idea of seeing Madoka is painful, but she can safely say she wants to see the other girl more than having to see Homura again so soon. But she's still reminded of the things Homura told her, how she told her to keep the truth away from Madoka, to make sure not to burden her. And what right would Mami have to burden Madoka now, after doing the same thing in life. ]

I'll see you soon then, Kaname-san.

[ The one thing she tries to promise herself is that she won't cry. And Madoka shouldn't be too surprised when she makes it to Mami's room, that she's set up a few snacks that she's found and some iced tea from a bottle poured into cups. It's the best she can do on short notice! ]

[ Madoka sticks to her word. She doesn't want to make Mami wait anymore - and the idea of Mami waiting somewhere by herself all sad is already bad enough in itself - so she quickly takes off to literally runs towards the described place. She's even a little out of breath once she arrives at the door, but she honestly doesn't care about that anymore, the girl figures that she can just try and catch her breath as she waits for the other girl to open the door. Walking in would be rude even if she really badly wants to see Mami, after all..

So she carefully knocks on the door of Mami's room, staring at it expectantly. ]

[ It only takes a short moment for Mami to open the door at the sound of the knocks. There's being hesitant to see Madoka, and there's being completely rude, and Mami will not allow rudeness in herself. ]

Kaname-san...it's nice to see you again..

[ It hadn't been all that long really, but given what happened, it feels like an eternity. It's taking everything she has not to break down and cry, to apologize and ask for forgiveness for leaving Madoka alone to fight Walpuris Night. She's just trying to keep her forced smile on her face, and keep Madoka out of the dark. ]

[ Mami's acting just like normal.

Even with everything that happened, even though her death was so obviously Madoka's fault - in her own eyes, at least - Mami is acting just like she always does. Even though she's hurting and in pain, Mami is...

It's a little bolder than what Madoka is used to doing, but she can't stand just doing nothing in this case. She reaches out to grab Mami's hands much like the way they were holding them right before Mami died. ]

M.. Mami-san! [ She lets that burst out, but then she needs another moment to think of what exactly to even say. What will help Mami the most? What will show that she's so, so very sorry for letting Mami die after having fought by herself painfully all these years..? ]

I.. I'm so sorry for everything, Mami-san, I really am... but.. I really meant it. When I said that you wouldn't have to fight by yourself anymore, I really meant that, it's what I wished for you..! I really was going to be by your side..

[ Of course Madoka remembers events entirely different than Mami does, but it makes sense for her recollection. ]

[ From the beginning Mami's worn this false face, the one she adopts when she sees Madoka again. It hurts to see her, it hurts to know that Kyouko and Sayaka are both moved on, but Madoka is still here, and it just hurts so much. It's almost enough to make Mami break down as soon as she sees that pink hair and those caring eyes. ]

Why are you...why are you apologizing..? [ Tears are welling up in her eyes, but she doesn't break down sobbing yet, because the confusion is too much. She doesn't know why Madoka would apologize. She has always been the perfect kouhai, the perfect friend, she doesn't know what Madoka thinks she did wrong. ]

It's not your fault...It's mine, I was selfish, I didn't want to be alone anymore..

[ Mami may be making things more confusing, but her tears are coming down again and all she can do is cry with her chin to her chest, her hands still held by Madoka. ]
I-I'm so sorry...

[ Selfish.. there was nothing selfish about Mami wanting someone to fight by her side, right? She had been alone all that time, fighting for what's right all by herself, and she had been so very lonely during all of it.. there's nothing selfish about wanting some company in that. Especially not for someone as great as Mami, like a symbol of justice.. ]

Nnn, there's nothing that's your fault. Mami-san.. you fought so hard all this time. Even though you were lonely, you fought so hard, and.. then... [ She shakes her head lightly, looking down for a moment and biting her lip to prevent herself from tearing up in a way similar to Mami. ] .. you died.. before you could even get what you deserved, a happy life with someone you trust by your side..

And.. that's what is my fault.

[ Or so Madoka thinks. But she knows that at this rate it's just going to be them telling each other it's their fault over and over, so.. ]

This isn't a time to think though about whose fault something is.. we're.. dead, right? So.. we should at least enjoy the time we're giving with each other again now.

[ She lightly squeezes the other girl's hands. ]

Right?

[ Mami is still just a little confused, hearing Madoka's words. They don't seem to match up to what she would expect, but then, what about coming to this purgatory has been anything like she's expected. ]

Kaname-san...I'm sorry.. [ Mami can't hold back her sobs, not after hearing those words. She didn't want to, or expect to see Madoka here in the afterlife, but she is happy to see her all the same. She's still exactly the girl Mami remembers, compassionate and bright.

Mami knows she should be embarassed, crying to a girl younger than her, in a strange place, but she doesn't care. Being around Madoka is disarming, like she can't hold back anything that bothers her. ]

I miss Sakura-san, and Sayaka-san...I wanted to see them again too.. [ She's explaining why she killed herself, though Madoka might now see it that way. ]

[ Madoka is slowly realising that something is off here too - maybe just because of the mention of Kyouko while Madoka didn't even really know that the two of them ever met, let alone knew each other.. Kyouko only came to town after Mami died, right? Then maybe it's a Mami of a different timeline, but..

.. does that even really matter? Mami is Mami, no matter what. And to Madoka she'll always be such a hardworking and splendid girl. ]

Sorry, Mami-san.. I haven't seen them here yet. [ Just Homura, but she doubts that would be a very good thing for Mami, so she doesn't mention it. ] .. I promise I'll be here with you though, okay..? There's no way I'll leave you alone.. [ .. "again", but she tries to swallow it. It's hard though, remembering the memory of going to Mami's apartment and seeing it so empty and knowing it was all her fault. But for now, while Mami is crying, she'll do her best to be strong and comfort her. ]

[ On one hand, she know she should be happy that Kyouko and Miki didn't have the regrets that she had, that they were able to move on to heaven or samsara or whichever next step awaited them all. On the other hand, Mami feels selfish, wanting to see her friends, one more time. But she has Madoka, and soon she finds herself sobbing against the other's chest, her arms gently holding Madoka close to her.

It's wrong to put Madoka into this position, having to deal with her crying, with all her pent up sadness, again even, but Mami can't hold it back. She had cried while she died before, hoping that Madoka would forgive her for what she had to do to keep her promise to Kyouko. ]

Kaname-san, you're too kind to me.. [ She doesn't know what else to say, she just needs a bit more time to get her crying out, forcing herself to depend on Madoka's kindness yet again. ]

[ She doesn't mind it in the slightest. Sure, she minds that Mami is sad, but not in the sense that she could ever be angry at the girl for it. She just feels sad and worried about her, but Madoka knows that for now, all she can do is try to be there for her. So when Mami holds her like that, Madoka slowly moves her own arms up too to wrap them around the other girl and hold her in return.

There aren't many words since there probably don't have to be. It's a quiet kind of comfort -- or so Madoka hopes, either way. ]

You've worked really, really hard.. but it's alright now. [ The words are almost whispered against the other girl like this. ]

[ Mami never let her tiredness catch up with her in life. She worked every day or so defeating witch's familiars and witches, helping other girls when she could. Even on days when things were quiet she would spend it having friends over for tea and snacks, and that meant spending time cooking. She never realized how tired she was of everything. How she wanted to not have to think about the difficult things in her life. When she was with Kyouko, and Sayaka too, she was able to relax just a little.

Now, far away from Kyuubey and the witches, Mami cries, and lets herself feel everything she's been pushing away. ]

I'm sorry, I never asked if you were okay.. ..I already spoke to Akemi-san.. [ Meaning, she knows whatever Madoka knows. Or something like that. ]

I'm fine!

[ It's not really a lie. After all, even if she feels incredibly guilty over her death and how she wasn't able to help people and died for nothing.. she at least thinks this afterlife isn't all that bad. Especially because of the kind people all around. She's glad to have gotten the chance to meet them - and the chance to see people like Homura and now Mami again. ]

Hehe, really.. don't worry about me, Mami-san. [ She gives a bright smile at that. ] Homura-chan.. she wasn't too unkind to you, was she..?

[ Madoka knows by now that under her cold exterior Homura does have a lot of kindness and did a whole lot for her, but.. judging from the way Mami and Homura acted back home, she's not too sure if that went well here. ]

Akemi-san is the same as she's always been. [ That is to say, not friendly, but not outright antagonistic either. Despite everything, Mami does wish she could have found more in common with the other magical girl, so that they could have been a closer group of friends, but she had never found her agreeable to anything, and distanced herself so that Mami could never trust her. ]

I'm glad that you two have each other, so you are not alone.. [ How Mami means that is ambiguous, as she doesn't know how they feel about each other. She knows her own feelings for Kyouko, and Sayaka as well, are difficult to put into words, but she can guess how Homura and Madoka might see each other, or might see each other eventually. ]

[ Madoka can at least catch onto what Mami means by that, but.. it doesn't mean everything is lost yet entirely. If Homura is still acting that way towards Mami, then she'll just have to work hard to bring the two closer together, right? Homura and Mami are both kind people, so it should work.

But at the last part she shakes her head. ]

You're here too now! So.. I'm not alone anymore at all. You're a really good friend to me. [ Even if Homura might be her best friend. But she still can't help but look up to Mami all the same. ]

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losthersheep - 2014-02-12 18:38 (UTC) - Expand

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